Last night, we arrived home from our multi-state holiday tour, and it was our first night back in our own bed. And it brought with it some strange dreams. Evidently, my older sister was getting remarried and I was in charge of the paperwork. why, I don't know. But it seemed that all of my fighting friends were there. In fact, my unit seemed to be in charge of the services. Old Shatterhaze was even there, wearing a diamond again.There were also many people who went to my high school. Even though my sister is four and a half years older than me, there were people both older and younger than me there for some reason. A particular individual whom I never really got along with sat next to me. I asked him politely to go elsewhere and leave me be, but he wouldn't. I got increasingly angry in my appeals, until he finally began sexually harassing me. None of the people around seemed to care, and at this point I left to go find whoever was in charge of the event's security. I wandered for a while and then I awoke.
There was another dream I had, that involved a friend of mine and I in a rivalry over classic toys, and another that involved me wandering around an unknown neighborhood with some people, looking for a music teacher so that he could autograph a series of instruments. But that is all I really remember from last night.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Motivation
Today is not a good day for being productive. I've awoken, but my head is not at all clear. It is filled with the remnants of last night's sleeping pill, and the general haze and lethargy of the morning. In addition, I feel the motivation sapping cold of apathy and depression growing closer.
I had dreams last night. Many dreams. I remember a few, and I shall write of them. A weird combination of Seth MacFarlane characters hijacking Santa Claus's sleigh was one, but perhaps the least interesting.
I remember climbing a mountain. A very high mountain. Toting with me supplies to build some sort of base. It was a sort of launch base for NASA, as I recall. There were others climbing as well, but it seemed to me that they were not so important, and they were going up and down as they pleased. I arrived at the top, and my old friend Jimmy was there already, scouting out the area and finding the best place to set up. We left the supplies and took a helicopter down to report (he knew how to fly it, and that was apparently how he got there. Why I had to climb up with the supplies still baffles me.) Regardless, we were quite disappointed by the reception. It was hostile and discouraging. It changed after that, but I don't remember the rest particularly well.
But this is not a post about dreams. No, it's a post about motivation. In that dream, I was motivated to do those things, despite discouraging circumstance.I must be motivated to write and to make videos despite discouraging circumstance. But I do not feel like I am. I feel like I have no reason to continue doing so. In the dream the prospect of flying helicopters or going up in a rocket was motivation enough, but as for writing, it's difficult and frustrating at times. Making videos is fun, but editing and uploading them takes so much time that I'd rather spend doing other things, because I get so little time to do things I like to do on my own. I know I need to do it. But finding the motivation for it is incredibly difficult. As it is, I am only writing this because I know I must write something today. And this maybe all I manage for the day. I don't even know if I will feel bad for that. So far, this has been a semi-productive writing session, in terms of volume. And in terms of my honest feelings as well. Whether it is entertaining or not is another matter, but honestly, I'm not sure any of my hits are actual people reading it, so maybe I don't need to be entertaining. Whatever, I'll see what I can do.
I had dreams last night. Many dreams. I remember a few, and I shall write of them. A weird combination of Seth MacFarlane characters hijacking Santa Claus's sleigh was one, but perhaps the least interesting.
I remember climbing a mountain. A very high mountain. Toting with me supplies to build some sort of base. It was a sort of launch base for NASA, as I recall. There were others climbing as well, but it seemed to me that they were not so important, and they were going up and down as they pleased. I arrived at the top, and my old friend Jimmy was there already, scouting out the area and finding the best place to set up. We left the supplies and took a helicopter down to report (he knew how to fly it, and that was apparently how he got there. Why I had to climb up with the supplies still baffles me.) Regardless, we were quite disappointed by the reception. It was hostile and discouraging. It changed after that, but I don't remember the rest particularly well.
But this is not a post about dreams. No, it's a post about motivation. In that dream, I was motivated to do those things, despite discouraging circumstance.I must be motivated to write and to make videos despite discouraging circumstance. But I do not feel like I am. I feel like I have no reason to continue doing so. In the dream the prospect of flying helicopters or going up in a rocket was motivation enough, but as for writing, it's difficult and frustrating at times. Making videos is fun, but editing and uploading them takes so much time that I'd rather spend doing other things, because I get so little time to do things I like to do on my own. I know I need to do it. But finding the motivation for it is incredibly difficult. As it is, I am only writing this because I know I must write something today. And this maybe all I manage for the day. I don't even know if I will feel bad for that. So far, this has been a semi-productive writing session, in terms of volume. And in terms of my honest feelings as well. Whether it is entertaining or not is another matter, but honestly, I'm not sure any of my hits are actual people reading it, so maybe I don't need to be entertaining. Whatever, I'll see what I can do.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Rites of Passage
The day was rapidly approaching that he would cross the threshold into adulthood. The elders warned him to stay away from the old stone path, but all his friends had done it the year before, but he could not bring himself to do it yet. They teased him and taunted him.
It was on the heels of a particularly sharp barb that he decided to do it, that very night. He and his friends all gathered in a field near the path. It was a crisp autumn night, and the moon shone brightly.
The group slowly made their way to the edge of the path. There it stood before them. His spirit shrunk back from the gravity of the ritual, but he stood firm. He took one step, then another unto the path. His friends were cheering for him and he grew more confident.
Just as he was about to reach the middle a bright light struck him and a terrible sound froze him in his tracks. His friends called to him to run, but he could not move. As it was bearing down upon him he tried to go back, but it was too late. He flew into the air from the impact, and his lifeless body landed by the side of the path, in a pool of blood. His friends scattered.
The next morning a game warden came down the road in a battered old pick up truck. Seeing the body, he lifted it into the bed of the truck. "One less to worry about," he said as he made a mark on a tally sheet. As he drove on, he thought of his son. They were going to go deer hunting next weekend, and it would be his son's first time.
It was on the heels of a particularly sharp barb that he decided to do it, that very night. He and his friends all gathered in a field near the path. It was a crisp autumn night, and the moon shone brightly.
The group slowly made their way to the edge of the path. There it stood before them. His spirit shrunk back from the gravity of the ritual, but he stood firm. He took one step, then another unto the path. His friends were cheering for him and he grew more confident.
Just as he was about to reach the middle a bright light struck him and a terrible sound froze him in his tracks. His friends called to him to run, but he could not move. As it was bearing down upon him he tried to go back, but it was too late. He flew into the air from the impact, and his lifeless body landed by the side of the path, in a pool of blood. His friends scattered.
The next morning a game warden came down the road in a battered old pick up truck. Seeing the body, he lifted it into the bed of the truck. "One less to worry about," he said as he made a mark on a tally sheet. As he drove on, he thought of his son. They were going to go deer hunting next weekend, and it would be his son's first time.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
The Problem With "If Everyone Else Jumped Off A Bridge..."
Note: The following essay is derived solely from personal observation.
So, you've probably heard the retort: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?", maybe from a parent whose child wants something unreasonable (or not so unreasonable), and uses the justification "But everyone else is getting it/doing it/has it!" Maybe your own parents said it to you, or you've said it to you kids. It doesn't have to be a strict parent/child conversation, it could be a conversation between any two people, really. I've heard it come from friends, co-workers, miscellaneous family members, teachers, and probably people with other relationships to the addressee as well, in both the media and in my own life.
There are several problems with this retort. First, and most obviously, it's implying that the person (and whoever else is doing this thing) is somehow stupid or at the least in possession of so poor judgement as to do whatever's popular, regardless of the practical consequences. It always came off as quite insulting and not a little condescending to me, as if the person saying it (especially if that person is an authority figure, like a parent or teacher) did not think highly of the other and thought this person would be so horribly lost without them. Putting someone on the defensive doesn't seem like it's likely to get your point across.
Second, it's usually a completely inappropriate comparison. For example, a teenager wanting to get a tattoo might argue that all their friends are getting tattoos, thus prompting their parents to reply with "If all your friends jumped off a bridge...". While it is true that there are some dangers associated with tattooing, as well as some social stigma in certain groups, among other legitimate objections, there's no real comparison between getting tattooed and jumping off a bridge. Some might argue that the "jumping off a bridge" is just arguing following the group to an absurd conclusion to get the point across. Does it get the point across? Would the teenager in this hypothetical suddenly realize that following the group is not always a good idea and reconsider their stance? I'd hazard to guess probably not.
Third, the argument tries to break the person away from their chosen in-group, which usually leads to poor results. I may write more extensively on my understanding of the dynamics of in-groups and out-groups later, but for this post, I'll simply say that tribalism is alive and well, and people rarely like to go against their chosen tribe, and there are many reasons for this sociologically and perhaps other reasons ranging from the practical to biological.
This was a thought that occurred to me today. And as I consider it, it seemed to me that saying such a thing serves no real purpose, other than to express contempt for the idea or the people who embrace the idea. Should parents and teachers really use this sort of retort on children, especially young children?
So, you've probably heard the retort: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?", maybe from a parent whose child wants something unreasonable (or not so unreasonable), and uses the justification "But everyone else is getting it/doing it/has it!" Maybe your own parents said it to you, or you've said it to you kids. It doesn't have to be a strict parent/child conversation, it could be a conversation between any two people, really. I've heard it come from friends, co-workers, miscellaneous family members, teachers, and probably people with other relationships to the addressee as well, in both the media and in my own life.
There are several problems with this retort. First, and most obviously, it's implying that the person (and whoever else is doing this thing) is somehow stupid or at the least in possession of so poor judgement as to do whatever's popular, regardless of the practical consequences. It always came off as quite insulting and not a little condescending to me, as if the person saying it (especially if that person is an authority figure, like a parent or teacher) did not think highly of the other and thought this person would be so horribly lost without them. Putting someone on the defensive doesn't seem like it's likely to get your point across.
Second, it's usually a completely inappropriate comparison. For example, a teenager wanting to get a tattoo might argue that all their friends are getting tattoos, thus prompting their parents to reply with "If all your friends jumped off a bridge...". While it is true that there are some dangers associated with tattooing, as well as some social stigma in certain groups, among other legitimate objections, there's no real comparison between getting tattooed and jumping off a bridge. Some might argue that the "jumping off a bridge" is just arguing following the group to an absurd conclusion to get the point across. Does it get the point across? Would the teenager in this hypothetical suddenly realize that following the group is not always a good idea and reconsider their stance? I'd hazard to guess probably not.
Third, the argument tries to break the person away from their chosen in-group, which usually leads to poor results. I may write more extensively on my understanding of the dynamics of in-groups and out-groups later, but for this post, I'll simply say that tribalism is alive and well, and people rarely like to go against their chosen tribe, and there are many reasons for this sociologically and perhaps other reasons ranging from the practical to biological.
This was a thought that occurred to me today. And as I consider it, it seemed to me that saying such a thing serves no real purpose, other than to express contempt for the idea or the people who embrace the idea. Should parents and teachers really use this sort of retort on children, especially young children?
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Updates and things
It's been awhile since I posted anything, so I thought I'd update you on what's going on. While I have ostensibly working on a NaNoWriMo project, that I do not wish to post until completion, I've not been working hard enough on it, nor have I been writing as much as I should. The past several days have seen little writing from me at all. However, I hope to change that and get back on track again. I've sort of used dreams I've had as a sort of crutch, as it were, and I haven't had any that I remember recently. Or rather none that I remember enough of to make a post about. To be honest, that is good, because it should force me to write other things. However, it has not had that effect, and instead I have written nothing, or very, very little for the past week or so.
There may be a part or two of Chapter 1 that I have yet to post, but I have stalled on it. I feel like I'm falling into my old habit of getting bored with writing and wishing to move on to other things. I do not have that luxury, and I will not allow myself to entertain that thought for long. Y'all can expect more writing soon, and I'm going to try to get back on track with daily postings.
Thanks for reading!
There may be a part or two of Chapter 1 that I have yet to post, but I have stalled on it. I feel like I'm falling into my old habit of getting bored with writing and wishing to move on to other things. I do not have that luxury, and I will not allow myself to entertain that thought for long. Y'all can expect more writing soon, and I'm going to try to get back on track with daily postings.
Thanks for reading!
Monday, November 10, 2014
Dreams From Last Night X
It's been a few days since I've written anything, but I had some strange dreams last night. The first involved my partner Rachel and I. I was in some sort of video game-esque mission, involving assassinating particular people in some sort of military complex. I tried it several times, and I was aware that there was a way that you could do it without getting caught, but I didn't succeed and was eventually thrown into a sort of strange prison. There was a way to escape, however, and that's when Rachel became involved. At this point, it was more like a tapletop RPG with a GM and such. It was supposed to be Rachel who got us out, evidently, as she was instructed to find it. It was a strange place with a sort of desert floor, and a large tree in the middle. The kind of tree with the openings in the trunk. There were also massive archives of books, one of which held the key to our escape. We were looking for a particular book, marked with a catalog number that began NCC. We did not ind it in the archives, and Rachel had a conversation with the GM which with them saying "Ththe Gen, go look in the one place you haven't yet," by which they meant the top of the tree. We climbed up and in the center of the treetop was a large ant colony guarding the book. I have a vague notion that they were fire ants, but I can't be sure. Regardless, the GM said we had found the "worst queen of kings" whatever that was supposed to mean. I recall Rachel going for the book, and thinking that too many stings could be fatal, but nothing more after that.
The second dream began with my partner Kai and I meeting a friend of mine and discussing a nearby town that was apparently some sort of conservative utopia. We decided to check it out on a lark. Turns out, my subconscious doesn't really know what a conservative utopia is, because it seemed more like a communist collective than a conservative paradise, honestly. There were no taxes (a seemingly conservative thing), but there were no stores either. All money was communal, and you were given food based on your work output, whatever your work happened to be. I actually wanted to live there, and the person who was speaking to us about it said they needed people, because they were slowly running out of money (which honestly makes sense). I said well, we couldn't afford much, saying $500 was our limit. He said that if we bought a house for $500 (which is less than we pay in rent for this apartment), we would actually get two houses, because they were that desperate for money and people. I thought this was fantastic, and started looking around the town for a suitable house. There was a trailer that met the price that I was not particularly found of, as the idea of living in a trailer did not appeal to me, but we decided to check it out anyway. Kai and my friend were no longer with me, but instead my brother was. I've no idea why. But as we were checking out the house, a group of kids followed us in. Some of the lights didn't work, but the electricity was still on. I started to get the sense that the place was dangerous and in the kitchen, there was some desserts on the counter. One of the kids tried to get a drink of water from the faucet, but the water was brown. I suggested that they leave, as there was nothing here for them, but they were reluctant. I took a piece from one of the desserts and tasted it, and showed them that it was stale and told them to leave. Some of them did, but one wanted to say. I had to resort to threatening to tell the kid's parents (whom I had never met). However, I finally got them out the door, and locked it behind them, which might have been a bad idea. My brother, apparently, was searching the house for money. Like, robbing the place. I have no idea why, However, the tone of the dream had shifted at some point. The house/trailer belonged to a family that were essentially pirates or bandits of some sort. My brother found a purse full of change and picked it up. Then we somehow wound up with a sort of tour group. But the tour guide was possessed or something, and wanted the purse. So we returned it, only we emptied it first. Other things happened, but they are too vague to recall.
The second dream began with my partner Kai and I meeting a friend of mine and discussing a nearby town that was apparently some sort of conservative utopia. We decided to check it out on a lark. Turns out, my subconscious doesn't really know what a conservative utopia is, because it seemed more like a communist collective than a conservative paradise, honestly. There were no taxes (a seemingly conservative thing), but there were no stores either. All money was communal, and you were given food based on your work output, whatever your work happened to be. I actually wanted to live there, and the person who was speaking to us about it said they needed people, because they were slowly running out of money (which honestly makes sense). I said well, we couldn't afford much, saying $500 was our limit. He said that if we bought a house for $500 (which is less than we pay in rent for this apartment), we would actually get two houses, because they were that desperate for money and people. I thought this was fantastic, and started looking around the town for a suitable house. There was a trailer that met the price that I was not particularly found of, as the idea of living in a trailer did not appeal to me, but we decided to check it out anyway. Kai and my friend were no longer with me, but instead my brother was. I've no idea why. But as we were checking out the house, a group of kids followed us in. Some of the lights didn't work, but the electricity was still on. I started to get the sense that the place was dangerous and in the kitchen, there was some desserts on the counter. One of the kids tried to get a drink of water from the faucet, but the water was brown. I suggested that they leave, as there was nothing here for them, but they were reluctant. I took a piece from one of the desserts and tasted it, and showed them that it was stale and told them to leave. Some of them did, but one wanted to say. I had to resort to threatening to tell the kid's parents (whom I had never met). However, I finally got them out the door, and locked it behind them, which might have been a bad idea. My brother, apparently, was searching the house for money. Like, robbing the place. I have no idea why, However, the tone of the dream had shifted at some point. The house/trailer belonged to a family that were essentially pirates or bandits of some sort. My brother found a purse full of change and picked it up. Then we somehow wound up with a sort of tour group. But the tour guide was possessed or something, and wanted the purse. So we returned it, only we emptied it first. Other things happened, but they are too vague to recall.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Dreams From Last Night IX
Only one I remember in any detail. There was a street fair type thing down the street from my apartment and the main attraction, evidently was Vanilla Ice. Yes, the rapper Vanilla Ice. My partner Kai and I went to check it out and found that Mr. Ice was signing autographs. we were going to go up to the table, but he went off with some girl for a moment. We'll get back to that in a minute, but I wanted to point out that there was a sign on the table saying that autographs were $519.93 a pop. Why? I have no idea.
Anyway, the girl was apparently a foamslinger and she fought a couple rounds with Mr. Ice. I distinctly remember Vanilla Ice using a teardrop shield and a flail, and the young girl using a small round shield and a dagger. We watched them fight and when they were finished I asked to look over the gear. I was sufficiently impressed, so much so that I forgot all about Vanilla Ice and instead wished to speak with this young girl. And young she was, though exactly how young is hard to say. She invited us to come to her house where her parents were cooking out, and we could hang out in the pool while we waited. We went to the place and there were her parents getting ready to get in the pool. They seemed to dislike Kai and I for no apparent reason, so we elected to it and wait. However, somehow I got splashed and Kai advised me I should cover myself, as I was wearing a white shirt. There was more, but it is all very disjointed and fuzzy.
Anyway, the girl was apparently a foamslinger and she fought a couple rounds with Mr. Ice. I distinctly remember Vanilla Ice using a teardrop shield and a flail, and the young girl using a small round shield and a dagger. We watched them fight and when they were finished I asked to look over the gear. I was sufficiently impressed, so much so that I forgot all about Vanilla Ice and instead wished to speak with this young girl. And young she was, though exactly how young is hard to say. She invited us to come to her house where her parents were cooking out, and we could hang out in the pool while we waited. We went to the place and there were her parents getting ready to get in the pool. They seemed to dislike Kai and I for no apparent reason, so we elected to it and wait. However, somehow I got splashed and Kai advised me I should cover myself, as I was wearing a white shirt. There was more, but it is all very disjointed and fuzzy.
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